I visited my dentist today. ‘It’s been a while since we last saw you- how old is your baby?’ I said ‘almost 2, and I just had another one!’ He responded ‘woah, you have been busy!’

I reflected on this snippet on my drive back home and realized that the last few years have been a blur. I feel like I’ve been either pregnant or running around behind a kid (or now two), for most of the last 3 years. Except for the brief 3 months when I stopped breastfeeding Aashi after she turned one, I have been sleep deprived. That said, I don’t regret the timing of things. Would things be easier had I stepped back in my career? Maybe, but on the other hand it may have been even harder. 

A dentist I met over zoom yesterday, asked if I wish I’d taken a longer maternity leave this time. I thought about it briefly. The answer in my head is obvious- I’d miss working as a dentist, impacting my patient’s lives, conversing with my team and being a leader at work. At home, I don’t always feel like a leader. Parents of toddlers would attest to this as well. The two babies seem to take charge most of the time. LOL.

I go back to work later this month. I have just one more week left at home. There was a time in early January I considered extending my leave a month out. Coincidentally my lead assistant messaged me that week, saying she could not wait for me to be back. I thought about how disappointed she would be if I were to extend my leave further. And, the patients who would need to be rescheduled. Something told me others outside my home need me more at this time and my baby will be safe at home with the grandparents and a great nanny. 

Here are some thoughts as I prepare to go back to work.

Length of maternity leave 

Last time I took 3.5 months after Aashi was born and was forced to discontinue work 1.5 months prior to delivery due to my severely swollen feet. I was basically not working for half the year! Looking back, this was OK since it was my first born and I struggled a lot with sleeplessness, breastfeeding and general adjustments to life with a child. This time I took a total of 2.5 months off. I was back on my feet almost 2 weeks after the baby arrived. And at my 6 week postpartum checkup, I didn’t even need the confirmation from my OBGYN that I was clear for exercise and resuming strenuous activities. I knew it already. I came back from the appointment and went straight to the garage to exercise, my daughter in tow. 

Books

I was good about reading and taking courses in the first month of this maternity leave. The second month- not so much. My mind has been preoccupied with other tasks related to the practice. Now that the morning feeds have been taken over by our nanny, I have a lot more time during the day to complete practice-related administrative tasks. As a result, the night feeds are all I get, to bond with the baby one on one. Technically I get one evening feed and the rest are midnight feeds such as 1 AM and 4 AM, where I am still half asleep. I just started reading Harry Potter to him, the way I did his sister! I do think he understands and enjoys it because he usually smiles a little or sleeps mid-way. After all, he needs to catch up quick since we are all excited about the TV show launching in 2027! HBO, BABY!!!! 

The books I did read this time have made a big impression on me though. I read a book on tongue ties and another on airways. Both of which stimulated an interest in CO2 lasers, which I am now considering getting for the new practice. It comes at a heavy cost so I may not get one this year. I am planning on taking some more courses on sleep, airway and tethered oral tissues before making a purchase decision. 

Another great book I revisited was the one on ‘life and work principles’ by Ray Dalio. I am now reading his book on Debt Crises. I will be taking my time with this one since it’s dense and packed with financial data. If you read it as a non-economist would, it is sure to take some time. Lots of charts and historical perspectives on all the major financial crises of the last 100 years. 

Aashvi Smiles Dental Group

I’ve worked on quite a few things with regards to the practice during my leave. I’ve been busy working on two school-talks that I’d had scheduled during my leave, one of which went fantastically. Talking to kids about brushing, eating habits and going to the dentist is so much fun. I left with many sweet memories and belly laughs. Kids are completely hilarious! 

I’ve also been slowly working on my marketing merchandise, website and software stack for the office. Many of these decisions will be finalized in a few months from now but I am glad I’ve had the time to process all of this information slowly over the course of my leave. 

Recovery

Had it not been for my mom, my recovery would have been much slower and life at home with 2 under 2 would be impossible. It is only because of her that we were able to focus on Aashi, helping her ease into the big change of having a baby brother. I am slightly worried about how things would look when she’s gone, but alas! Such is life. I’m sure after a slight period of adjustment, things will run more smoothly. 

Long walks (or lack thereof)

I crave nature walks now that I have more energy. I miss taking long walks throughout the neighborhood and pointing out flowers, plants and airplanes to Aashi when she was a newborn. I took those walks daily until she was one. The weather lately has been a challenge (babies born at other times of the year probably get more sunlight). I also do not know what a nature walk would look like with a toddler who changes her mind frequently. A will want to sit in the stroller one moment, and would want to run around and discover flowers and rocks the next. I am sure with time, we will figure this out too, but for the moment, hanging out in the garage (gym) or backyard with both kids seems to be the easiest. 

Saying no 

I am finding it easier than ever to say no to things now. Unfortunately, that means that a lot of things I had loved to do in the years past, I can no longer do. What I tell myself is this- in this season of life, my time and sanity need protection. My family comes first, and my work comes next. Beyond that- I will try my best and say no if I cannot make space for it. I choose sleep over getting my nails done. Kids will be little only once and I do not want to miss out more than I already do! There is nothing wrong with functioning this way! 

Friendships

It’s become harder to stay in touch with friends too. Luckily, many of my close friends are in similar seasons of life or understand the lack of time on my plate. Many calls go unanswered for days. Responses to messages are in the form of voice notes. Call backs are scheduled for when I am in the car and are frequently interrupted by the toddler’s background chatter.

However, what’s great is that I’ve found camaraderie amongst new friends, many of whom are moms and dads. I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends on parent and toddler related commonalities and made other friends whose kids are of similar ages as mine. When our struggles are common, we are less anxious about meeting up over a meal or hike. Other parents just understand.

All that said, I’m happy that another phase has come to an end, and a new one awaits us. I’m excited about my return to work, and settling into a new, albeit chaotic rhythm of things. Life if full but also very rich and I would never ever have it any other way. Yes, even with all the sleeplessness and fatigue, the joy and luck that kids bring into your life is truly worth it.