On the recommendation of a friend, I started reading a new book recently. It’s called the Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies. It’s an excellent book aimed at teaching parents how to interpret their toddler’s needs. It provides strategies on enabling kids to grow into kind, independent and curious people.
It also describes how a toddler thinks and why they behave in certain ways. I’ve found so many parts of it to be accurate for Aashvi.
For instance, it states that toddlers live in the present. This is why they sometimes pick up a toy from another kid. Not because they’re being mean. But, because they’re thinking ‘I’d like to play with this toy, right now.’ The book also recounts how walking with a toddler could be better described as a ‘stop and explore’ activity. When we are walking together in the neighborhood, A and I stop nearly every 5 seconds because she has discovered a leaf, rock or a bifurcation in the road that she’d like to explore. Sometimes, she runs in an unexpected direction and will suddenly stop, bob up and down, and say ‘dance dance’. She does this while looking back at me and grinning widely!
A few days ago, I stopped taking my phone with me when I’m out on a walk with her. We usually just make it as far as the edge of our cul de sac anyway. So in a real need I’d be able to access my phone. But, the exercise of leaving my phone behind, lets me focus on the present, just like my daughter does all day. It helps me have real fun playing with her.
Today, I played with her for nearly an hour in our cul de sac. We explored our neighbors’ frontyards, something they have all grown to expect most evenings. A picked up two new leaves that interested her. Watching her enjoy the new textures, I decided to create a collectibles basket where we can put the leaves (or rocks and sticks) she wants to bring home. She surprised me today by correctly saying ‘red flower’ to a flower that was actually red, something she has never done before! And then we also sat on the porch for a minute because she pronounced we must ‘sit’.
We had so much fun in the little time we spent together. When it was time to come back home, I didn’t have to pick up a screaming, crying child. I told her there was a yummy dinner to be enjoyed, followed by a bath (her favorite). She understood it was time to wind down for the night and came bouncing behind me saying goodnight to our wooden reindeer, curry leaf plant, rose bushes and maple leaf tree along the way. Just a year ago, I was taking her out in her stroller every evening around this time. All she did then was look up into the sky, with periodic giggles, while I told her about my work day. Time flies, and so do these little moments.
I may not remember all of the little details a few years (or even days) later, but I hope to remember how I felt. I will remember how good it was to be present in the moment. This is something I knew of long before Aashvi came into my life, but have only begun implementing after.
I don’t remember, for instance, loving dentistry as much as I do now, in my earlier years. Maybe I was still learning the ropes, and figuring out my spot in this profession. Trying to navigate where I could add value. I realized this, when a dentist who was shadowing us at work today told me she wasn’t looking forward to going back to her regular job tomorrow. And I naively asked why not. I’ve been in my little bubble of dentistry and home life for so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to go back to a job you do not like. Perhaps it’s the patients that are overwhelming, or the team that is intimidating to work with. Or it’s just us and our anxiety regarding not being the best. As young dentists, we have no confidence in our abilities and so we worry constantly about doing the best for our patients. I remember feeling totally inadequate for years prior to residency. And the excitement and love for dentistry (instilled during dental school) begin to wear off.
Residency saved me. The sheer number of reps we get in procedures on patients with medical complexities, leaves one feeling far more confident than before. Not much scares you after a grueling residency, like the one I had at Highland Hospital. And it also gifts you with mentors and friends for life.
Am I connecting the dots in this long winded post? Yes. Here is the connection. I think life is a series of many little events. Some of which are unexpected teachers. I never thought my residency would be life changing. In fact I worried that it would be a giant mistake. I also didn’t realize how much my 1.5 year old would teach me about living in the present. These two things put together have led me to a life that is full and rich. I can’t wait to go back to work and I also can’t wait to spend time with my daughter. It’s a fun problem to have because you suddenly love and protect all parts of your life. I’m lucky I get to live that and I hope you do too. If you aren’t, try to change it. You get only one shot here, so why not make it the best?
