I am constantly asked why we moved to California. Sometimes after I mention going to dental school in Seattle. Sometimes it is out of exasperation with the cost of living in this beautiful state. Many times, over the years, we have asked this question to ourselves! Technically we could have lived anywhere, so why here? 

Moving from Seattle 

My husband is in tech, and originally moved to Seattle from Silicon Valley. We had always assumed we’d move back as soon as I graduated. But, of course as life had it, we fell in love with the city of Seattle, and all that its beautiful nature brought. It took us five years, but we finally felt like we had battled the ‘Seattle freeze’ and made warm friendships, some of which still last until today. When we celebrated our first kid’s baby shower a few years ago, several of our friends from Seattle visited us.

I still find myself missing our time together in Seattle. We hiked nearly every Saturday and saw a beautiful lake, mountain or scenery. The great PNW never fails to amaze. We also had so much time to ourselves in the evenings.

Life without kids is so.. free! We had hours and hours on end to work on our personal projects. My husband got better at his music. I got better at writing. We actually had time to keep up with our hobbies. We biked through the rain around Lake Union for an hour every day. Those are all fond memories of our initial years of marriage. 

Pandemic 

The pandemic was what made us feel otherwise about the city. Even though I was still looking for a place to start my practice during that crazy time, I was also realizing how lonely we were without our families. Two of our really good friends broke up with their partners. This hit me particularly hard because we would hang out with these couples regularly. Naturally after their split, our time together as friends became lesser, as they were busy dealing with the consequences of their breakups. 

Many of our friends bought homes and moved into the suburbs. Others moved back in with their parents. We did not have family in the area and were not serious about buying a home at the time, so we stayed put. Even though we stayed in a beautiful apartment overlooking Lake Union, we began to feel claustrophobic after a few months. It became a bit better after I started working again (dentistry was ‘shut’ for 2 months), but it never quite improved. 

I was still on a strict patient-safety protocol. Even though some of our friends were now hanging out and having parties, we could not go. Many of my patients were very senior and I couldn’t risk passing COVID on to them. After we got our first set of ‘vaccines’, it helped allay fears slightly, but by then we were already California dreaming. 

California dreaming

It began when my sister had her second baby and we drove to the Bay Area to be with them for a month. My husband still worked during that time, but my sole responsibility was my sister and her kids. It was a lot of fun. This was also January. January is one of the worst months in Seattle (after December) in terms of weather and dreariness. It’s cold with very little sunlight. Versus California which was sunny and gorgeous! I would take long walks outside every day, play with my niece in the evenings and enjoy all that the beautiful Pacific Coast had to offer over the weekends. 

My husband began reminiscing of his time back in the Bay Area, and also felt a strong surge of FOMO. He began to compare the career opportunities that may be in the Bay vs what are in Seattle. We came back and decided to do the math of what it would cost us to move back. After a few days, both of our minds were made up. We had romanticized the idea of moving to California. And a few months later, we made our big move down. This was probably the most spontaneous decision we had both taken in our entire lives up until that point. 

Reality in San Francisco

Having always been city dwellers, we moved to San Francisco. We set up shop in a neighborhood recommended to us by one of my close friends who also lived there. Unfortunately, it was nowhere near as quiet and beautiful as Seattle. We lived near the two busiest sports stadiums in the city and there was traffic around our home nearly every weekend. Due to the cost difference, we were paying more but not getting the same benefits of our previous apartment. 

We decided almost right away that we need to find a home to move into. In less than a year, it prompted us to move to the suburbs. 

Had we lived in another part of the city, our experience may have been different. We may have stayed in the city for longer, or who knows, may still have been there! But, it was not meant to be. 

Residency

While in San Francisco, I split my time at a very busy practice and at the dental school as affiliate faculty. I enjoyed these positions but felt I wasn’t living up to my fullest potential. I wasn’t doing anything ’hard’. After some discussion, regarding my passion for special care dentistry, I enrolled into a general practice residency. It was an odd twist to my career. Almost nobody goes back to school for a GPR having spent 4 years as a private practice dentist. 

However, going back to school at Highland Hospital was one of the best decisions in my career. It became a turning point because I learned so much, met friends and mentors for life, and felt extremely fulfilled (even though I was perpetually exhausted). It also helped direct the next few steps of my career.

I realize now that I may not have had the opportunity or foresight to do a GPR in Seattle. Each moment dictates the subsequent moments of your life. This is again one of my beliefs. 

Family 

My husband and I both have families and extended relatives here in the Bay, and this means our weekends are full, without us even trying. There’s always a birthday, or a party at someone’s house. Or there’s a group hike, zoo date being planned. This means that while it is amazing to be with extended family, we sometimes have to pull ourselves away from events to make time together on our own. We had to make a rule that we would only dedicate one day of the weekend towards family/friends events and the other would be our day for personal projects/just ‘us’  time. Of course this is not always possible, because some weekends have multiple events and we end up not getting any personal time. 

The highs 

My favorite part so far about being in the Bay Area, is how often I get to see my sister. Nothing, absolutely nothing, compares with the joy of raising our little humans together, and of meeting one on one for lunch during the week (without the little monsters in tow). We would have never been able to do that if we still lived in Seattle. Time together would have been much lesser, and my niece and nephew may have grown up not knowing me and my family that well. 

My sister is also my mentor, whom I get to learn from on a daily basis. She teaches me, through example, how she parents her kids, builds her successful empire, and manages people at her company. I am always inspired by her energy and the full life she leads. Even though she may have travelled most of the week for work, she comes home for the weekend and spends every waking hour with the kids, taking them to activities, friend’s birthday parties and hosting play dates at home. I don’t know anybody else who is as much of a committed parent as they are to their work. 

The kids

Getting to see all of our kids spend time with their cousins has been another highlight. I spent a lot of time with my cousins growing up, and have fond memories of that time. I can only hope the same for our own kids to have that kind of kinship with their cousins. 

The workforce

I may not actively think about it each day, but am always amazed at how diverse my clinical team is and how we work together seamlessly. Here in California, we serve many patients, from so many different parts of the country and world. I love that our state is like that. And that nobody ever asks me where I am from, or if they do, they ask out of admiration, rather than curiosity. I also love occasionally hearing, ‘oh my physician is also Indian!’. The diversity of experiences I get to learn from both my patients and teams, has also enriched me as a human. It had broadened my world view and allowed me to explore different languages, cultures and foods! 

Additionally, I’ve found that teams here work harder and hustle more. This again could be a narrow, biased opinion based on my limited experience with a select few practices across both states. However, in some ways, life in California necessitates this hustle. Everyone is here to work hard, and make a good living. We all have commitments and big bills to pay at the end of the day. The Bay Area is not for slackers. There is simply no room for it. 

Risks

I also inherently feel that this state is a goldmine for opportunity and innovation. There is a certain appetite for risk takers here, that I did not find back in Seattle. Risks are admired, rather than feared. It’s certainly also a competitive area to be in. You have to have a deep understanding of the value you are offering to others, in order to do well. 

Downsides 

The cost of living is probably the biggest downside here. I have friends who have bought land and buildings to start their practices at, in different parts of North America. While this may be possible to do here, it would come with a price tag 3-4x that of anywhere else in the country. This can be a huge pill to swallow if you’re raising little kids. 

There’s also a regulatory process here that can take too long and ends up being litigious and bureaucratic. It’s one of the reasons why some tech companies and others are moving out of the state. The loyalists will stay but many will move if they see ease of doing business elsewhere. The processes were put in place to protect communities, however what ends up happening in reality is very different. It can drag projects on for months, if not years. Just look at the California Railroad project. A colossal mess that has been delayed by a decade, and is much more expensive than initially assumed. All funded by taxpayers. 

And finally, despite having one of the highest GDP’s in the world, our state still battles with many societal issues. We see poverty, crime and filth on the streets of our major cities. It’s painful to watch people injuring themselves and not having the ability to protect them. At times like this, we need the law on our side, but what I’ve come to understand is that we do not. However, this may be changing slowly. With a new mayor elected to San Francisco, we are already seeing much improvement in the city. So, yes there is light at the end of the tunnel. But, it also means we have much to accomplish to take care of our people and our neighborhoods. 

My thoughts now

Despite all of this, we are quite happy where we are and do not anticipate moving out of the state anytime soon. My husband and I do feel we are in the prime of our careers, and with the warm support of our extended family in the area, feel well taken care of on all ends. When we do think about where we may move if we were to leave, not a single other state comes to mind. The winters in Seattle don’t seem attractive, and neither do winters on the east coast. A possible option we’ve considered is Colorado since we love the outdoors so much. But then we would miss the friendships and family we have here. There are some familial comforts in California that you simply do not get, especially as an immigrant, in other states. 

And so thats why we moved to California and have stayed put. I still can’t believe its been almost 5 years but it has. One house, baby, practice and another baby on the way. We are here to stay!